it's 5:09 AM...

and thanks to an f-ed up night I'm wide awake, stone sober and sitting on the balcony of our hotel room overlooking VA beach, typing this. But if my night turned out to be a complete waste (not in the sense I'd hoped), maybe my pre-dawn will atone. It has, after all, been a long time since most of you heard from me, though a loyal few keep calling and for that I'm grateful. So until I can call you back, I hope this little update will do.
Let's see. We're definitely past the half-way point in the POI (program of instruction) at the basic school, and it feels even further than that because we really only have a few major events left: some field exercises/urban combat stuff, the 15 mile hump (this Thursday), a few exams. Today (actually yesterday) we went out to the range and got "familiar" with some crew-served weapons we'd been studying for the past week or two. We fired the 240B med machine gun (dinkadinkadinkadinka), the 50-cal heavy MG (thwack thwack thwack thwack thwack) and the MK-19 automatic grenade launcher (thunk thunk thunk...whomp whomp whomp). It was, in a word, awesome. Of course, for 2 minutes or less of trigger time each we waited around about 8 hours or more (of course wearing flaks and fliks and all that jazz), so all in all a pretty average day here at TBS (The Big Suck). But we're finally getting to the good stuff - big guns (I fired a 155mm howitzer the other day), platoon-sized evolutions, fire and maneuver (instead of what amounts to a bonzai charge every time we spot - or think we spot - the enemy), setting up a defense (read: digging holes and filling sandbags), and in just a few short weeks - MOS's.
MOS stands for Military Occupational Specialty - your job in the Marine Corps. There are 22 MOS's open to active duty Marine Officers such as myself - everything from infantry to PAO (public affairs officer). There are a set number of slots for each. I'm going for intel, with my main back-up being combat engineer. There are more slots for each than I expected, but it's still going to be extremely competitive. I got my 1st command eval today and my SPC (staff platoon commander, a captain) thinks I'm doing a good job. He thinks I'd be a good fit for intel, but also for comm or logistics. I think not...but I told him I'd think about it, so who knows.
Anyway, we find out our MOS's in about a month, or a little less. If I get intel, I'll be training at the Navy/Marine Corps Intel Training Center in Dam, Neck, VA, which is probably a five minute low-crawl from where I'm sitting right now (incidentally, starting to watch the sun rise over the shore - life could be worse). I have no idea when I'd start there, so I might be doing some temporary duty in DC or theoretically even with my 1st unit, while I wait for the next class to start up. Regardless, I graduate TBS on July 2 (note the change from July 3 if you already had it on your calendar), all dressed up my blues and sword and the whole schtick. So that's my way of saying - come! In just a few short months I could be on my way to Afghanistan (or Hawaii, you never know), and it's been far too long since I've seen most of you anyway. So while you'll definitely be getting a bit more personal of an invitation, I just wanted to let everyone know when it is in the hopes that you'll set aside the date and join me for it. It's in Quantico, VA of course, about 40 minutes south of DC.
Two teens just skate-boarded by me down on the board-walk. It's 5:47 AM. One was wearing a kippah. We're entering the realm of the bizarre, and I think it's time to sleep. Hope to hear from you!

Cold enough for ya?

How cold was it this week? It was so cold...

• within an hour or two of leaving the barracks for the rifle range, the water in our canteens/camelbaks was frozen solid
• despite wearing some 4-5 warming layers (underarmour, polypro, fleece, gortex) we were still shivering and stomping and blowing like spastic, rabid horses
• I heard one guy trying to give away a block of ice disguised as an apple
• thanks to uselessly numb fingers, during pistol cleaning we sent multiple spring-loaded parts whizzing past unsuspecting ears
• even Sgt. G put on gloves

One of my roommates captured the mood perfectly while we were shivering in the pits (running the targets up and down for other platoons) when he said simply, "fuck everything." Indeed.

But...I can't complain. Miraculously, on Friday, the actual day we qualified on pistol/rifle, the clouds parted, the sun came out, and it was a balmy 45 or so degrees. We felt, as someone else in my platoon put it, like we'd won the damn lottery. And most of us shot better as a result. I got "expert" on rifle (the top ranking) and missed it by 3 points on pistol, getting "sharpshooter" instead. I'm definitely happy with those results, though I'm looking forward to getting more practice on the M9 Beretta.

Aside from the cold, the past few weeks have been pretty awesome. We earned our tan belts in MCMAP (Marine Corps martial arts program) a few weeks ago by throwing one another around (and into the ground comma frozen solid). While I initially hated MCMAP because the fundamentals are much closer to boxing than to the fluid, low-center-of-gravity techniques I'm used to, I've grown to like it, especially as we learn techniques that are straight out of Aikido. MCMAP is supposed to combine the best and most martial elements of all the other arts (while leaving out impractical, sport-oriented stuff) and I'm starting to see how, at the higher levels, it does exactly that. I'm hoping to find the time to earn my grey and green belts while I'm here.

Next week, we do some more advanced rifle stuff - moving targets, etc. It will still involve early mornings, the 3 mile pre-dawn hump out to the range and whatever temperatures G-d throws at us, but I'm looking forward to it.

Looking back and looking forward - part II

I'm back at Quantico and have some time before things kick off again tomorrow morning. When we last saw our hero, he was making it through week five and a runny nose. We gave him a tissue.

Anyway, in the second half of OCS, things got easier, and harder. The PT got harder, both objectively - more repetitions, harder runs, etc. - and subjectively, insofar as my body was slowly breaking down. The yelling gradually lessened, and though it never really went away, it was even less of a big deal than it had been at the beginning. The expectations rose, of course, and the leadership evaluations got harder - squad-sized groups instead of fireteam, more complex orders to receive and issue, etc.

But as we got through one event after another - the 9 mile hump, various field exercises, the night IMC - we got stronger, physically but more importantly mentally. We could see the light at the end of the tunnel, and we had confidence in our ability to handle whatever was thrown at us.

Along the way, we lost lots of candidates - 50% in my platoon. We lost a rather large handful in week four, the first opportunity to drop on request. We lost some candidates who will make great Marine officers, including at least one who had already been a great enlisted Marine, but had the bad luck to get injured or sick. And we lost some candidates who the staff felt didn't have what it takes, at least right now. The last of these was dropped two days before graduation.

The last few days of OCS, I felt at times elated but mostly tired and relieved. Our very last event was a five-mile "moto run" which, believe it or not, was in fact a ton of fun. At the end the Col. jumped up on the PT table and lets just say he knows how to motivate Marines. That was probably the happiest moment at OCS for me aside from commissioning - I was sweaty and a little tired from the run but I felt great, pumped and proud to be part of that swarm of almost-Marines screaming OOH-RAH in response to the Col.

Friday, Dec. 12, we graduated from OCS in the morning and, after lunch with my parents, I headed to the museum, changed into my rank-less Alphas, and took the oath with the roughly 180 or so candidates of Delta Co. that remained from a starting company of about 360. Technically, that was the moment I became a Marine, but in my mind, it happened two nights earlier, when our platoon commander, a captain, handed each of us our first Eagle, Globe and Anchor, shook our hands and said "congratulations, Marine." Anyway, after the commissioning, my parents pinned me on, I stepped outside and received my first salute from my former instructors, and then I went straight to TBS to check in, without passing Go or collecting $200.

The next week consisted of long hours of in-processing, and that's what this coming week will be too - plus a PFT and Swim Qual. So wish me luck on those. Assuming I don't bomb those, the following week 299 Marines and I will start the 6 month POI (program of instruction) known as the BOC (Basic Officers Course). Around April or May, I'll find out my MOS (Military Occupational Specialty, or job) in the USMC. It's based on class rank at TBS, my ranking of preferences, and the needs of the Corps. On July 3, G-d willing, I'll graduate TBS and head off to my MOS schools. Depending on the school, that will take a few months, and from there it's off to the fleet. I'll be assigned a unit at a given location (e.g. Camp Lejune, Okinawa, Camp Pendelton, etc.) and that'll be home for the next few years - the place where I train and from which I deploy (probably to Afghanistan, from everything we're hearing). And I'll meet my first platoon - the Marines whose lives and livelihoods will be in my hands, the Marines whom I will command, but whose experience will far exceed my own. I can't wait.

So that's what the next year or so holds for me. TBS is physically and mentally demanding - we'll have various fitness tests, lots of exams (it's equal to 2.5 years of college crammed into 6 months), all kinds of field exercises, rifle and pistol qualification, etc. etc. etc. Dropping even a fraction of a percentage of your GPA can drop you tens of places in your class ranking, which not only impacts your MOS but will affect your promotion timing for the rest of your career.

But at the same time, we're treated like adults. Eating, sleeping, working out is up to us. The days will be long but at the end of each day we'll have liberty, just like you do in the civilian world when the workday is over. Most of our weekends will be ours. Of course, we'll have plenty of studying and working out to do in that free time, but it's still nice to have regular access to the world again.

I guess that's it. If you have any questions about OCS or TBS or anything else, don't hesitate to write or call me - I'm happy to answer them and I would love to hear from (and see) you! Especially those of you who don't live in the DC area - if you're ever around please let me know, and if you want I can even show you around the picturesque environs of MCB Quantico.

Semper Fi.

Looking back (at OCS) and looking ahead

So it turns out that some people actually read these posts, and those 2 or 1 of you who do may have been wondering why I abruptly stopped writing around the middle of OCS. Sorry about that - all I can say is it couldn't be helped. But anyway, I'm back, and I thought I'd try to give you a general idea of what the past few months have been like (and for prospective candidates, what to expect), and what lies ahead for me.

The first few days of OCS are in-processing. You do lots of paperwork, run your inventory PFT (our platoon dropped 3 candidates right there) and do gear issue and gear purchase. You're given a lot to do with zero time in the schedule to do it, so you end up staying up most of the night squaring away your stuff, marking gear, etc. Get used to it.

Then comes pick up. Pick up has a well-earned reputation so I won't go into much detail about that. Suffice it to say that there's lots of yelling and running around. The whole thing is just theater, and I remember my main feelings were calm, mild entertainment and, as the day wore on, fatigue.

But there was a lot of yelling, and that continued for the next few weeks. It started the very second that lights came on at 0500 (sometimes before) and didn't stop, except during class, until the minute they went out at 2100 (and often after). And that led me to experience an interesting phenomenon.

If you've ever done something intensely for many hours during the day, whether it's driving or playing Tetris or whatever, you've probably had the experience of closing your eyes at night and seeing that thing in your mind's eye. Well I had a weird and similar experience at OCS. After the first day of yelling, I was walking to the head (the bathroom) after lights out and I realized that every sound I heard - every muffled cough, every toilet flush, every toss and turn of a candidate in the rack - sounded to me like the sound of top-of-the-lungs yelling, far off in the distance. I mentioned it to someone, and it turned out a bunch of other candidates were experiencing the same thing. That lasted a few nights, but eventually we got used to the yelling.

Those next few weeks until our first liberty were both easy and hard. I remember the PT was easy, the days were extremely long, the classes were like drinking from a firehose. Our entire existence was confined to the squad bay, the parade deck, the PT field, the classroom and the chow hall. With no watches, TV, Internet, radio, cell phones, etc., and with 16 hour days (or longer) where every minute was scheduled for us, we quickly found ourselves arguing over what day of the week it was, and whether something had happened that morning or three days ago.

Then came our first liberty. If you brought your cell phone, it was returned to you from the contraband locker. If you followed the rules and didn't (I was the only one), you used the payphones outside to call collect, get a calling card number, and call other people, until you could make it into DC and recover your cell.

That first liberty was like the deepest breath of fresh air you could imagine, after three weeks of breathing in car fumes. At that point we were all starting to get a little worn out, we almost all had the "candidate cough" (mine was pretty mild), and a good number of us were battling injuries. Mine was a middle trap strain on my right side. In week 1 I was doing the O-course and as I jumped up to haul myself over the wall, I heard a riiip in my right shoulder. I of course said nothing and the next week while doing a regular push-up I heard a pop and couldn't even support my own weight or lift my rifle over my head. At that point I couldn't hide it anymore so I went to medical, but I refused to be put on light duty (5 days of light duty and you're sent home). Somehow for the next month or so I faked it - one-arm push-ups, using my legs more, etc., and by some miracle, my shoulder healed. Persevering through that month of pain was one of the things I'm most proud of. But believe me, I wasn't the only one. Almost everyone who graduated OCS with me was nursing some kind of injury; one guy did some of the most painful and miserable training with a cracked rib. I don't know how he did it for as long as he did, though after two weeks it caught up to him and he went home (week 7).

Anyway, when I made it to that first liberty, shoulder strain and all, I knew I was going to make it. From then on I lived lights out to lights out and liberty to liberty. Around week 5 I came down with a high fever but somehow sweated it out in a single night and didn't miss any training. That was the low point for me - I was sore all over (the first few weeks, my soles were swollen at least 1/2 an inch and on fire from all the standing and marching), I was sick as a dog (though luckily without a fever) and I was falling asleep standing up. Again, I was hardly the only one. I remember around that time a bunch of us were sharing descriptions of the color and sheer volume of our snot. But I also felt good. I hadn't failed any tests, I was doing average or above average in the physical events, and my leadership score was high. I was meeting the challenge.

Well, maybe that's a good place to pause - I gotta run. I'll try to pick up soon to let you all know what's next for me. Let me just say that your support, your letters and postcards and greeting cards and phone calls (on libo) meant the world to me. Whatever I've accomplished so far (which is not much) and whatever I go on to do in the Marine Corps, you helped make it so. Thank you.

Half way there; DC next wknd?

Made it through another week. It started out moderately challenging with a long run and some misery-inducing activities but I felt pretty good at first. By the next night though, I was running a pretty bad fever - this is not a good thing. If you get SIQ (sick in quarters or basically restricted to your rack) you better get better fast, and even if you do, you're on the radar. Somehow, with some vitamins and lots of layers, I sweated out my fever overnight and had none in the morning, thus avoiding a visit to the corpsman. Still felt crappy but gradually got better and I'm feeling great now.
Your mail has been a blessing so please keep it coming (see earlier entry for the address). If you haven't written me yet, please do! I want to know what's going on in your lives!
Ran the PFT again today - fastest 3-mile time ever for me, but I dropped four (!!) pullups. Most people dropped a few, though others actually increased. My body, while not nearly as sore as earlier in the week, is just run down. Looking forward to the break between OCS and TBS.
Also, we got fitted for uniforms this week. I look good in those service alphas. If you don't believe me, graduation is Dec. 12. We're permitted to bring a few friends in addition to family so if you're interested let me know and I'll see what I can do.
Not much time to write so I'll have to wrap it up. If you want to e-mail me or leave comments, feel free - I'll check them every wknd and get back to you - writing back regular letters is obviously a bit harder for me to do though I hope to get caught up on that soon.
Oh one more thing. I'm going to be the Candidate Platoon Sergeant on Monday and Tuesday. This is the most visible and dreaded billet, in charge of the whole platoon (which is now down to 40 candidates...from 62 at the start!). But I've been looking forward to getting it. I'm not ready yet but I will be by Monday morning, and I've been craving the challenge. Until now I've only had one real billet - squad leader.
So anyway, it's going to be tough so wish me luck!
Oh one other more thing - I'll try to make it to DC next Sat. night to hang out for a while at a bar. We'll say Rumors at 8 PM - if it changes I'll post it here next Saturday during the day. So if you can stop by for a while, I'd love to see everyone and catch up a bit!
Have a great week.

4 weeks down, 6 to go

Four weeks into OCS, and I'm feeling pretty good. I'm on liberty now for a few more hours, sitting in a tiny cafe in Q-town, and wanted to post something briefly just to let everyone know that I'm doing well.

The first three weeks or so were exactly what they're described to be - a transition from a civilian mindset to a military one. That transition is far from complete, of course, but the foundation has been laid. It's difficult for me to describe without getting into specifics, which is probably not appropriate in a public forum like this. I'll just say that OCS is more or less what you'd expect - long, long days, every aspect of one's life regimented, and plenty of noise. You can use your imagination. The last week has begun the switch to the "mentoring" phase, after which come other phases, but so far it still feels more or less the same as the rest, only with more enjoyable and challenging leadership opportunities.

The physical training has for the most part not been that hard. Does it push you far beyond what you thought you were capable of? Sure. Does it hurt? Sometimes it does. Are there moments of sheer misery, even despair? I've had one or two. But you do it, you find a way to keep up, and when it's over you feel great. I even injured my shoulder and for a while couldn't even do a push up (not a good thing) but I just pushed through it, refusing to go on "light duty", and in our last PT session I didn't feel any pain at all.

The academics are challenging in so far as there is a ton of information thrown at you, and you're basically expected to know something after you've heard it once. But other than the massive amounts of fast memorization, that part isn't bad either.

Each of those two sections - physical and academics - count for 25% of your overall GPA. Leadership counts for the other 50%. So far we've had two leadership "tests", where you lead a fireteam in negotiating an obstacle of some kind, and I've done pretty well in both.

As a result of all this, my GPA is near the top of my platoon (so far) which I'm pretty excited about. I'll do my best to try to keep it there, and just keep pushing week to week, lights out to lights out and meal to meal. Almost half-way done!

There's lots more I'd like to share but I'm low on time and I'd rather tell you all in person or over the phone as opposed to this blog. The only thing I'll add is that it is AMAZING how much a little mail can lift one's spirits at the end of a very long and grueling day. I feel it myself, and as the "mail candidate" I also see it with everyone else every time I hand out the mail. So if you get a chance to write me, please do - and a BIG thank you to all who have! The address is:

Candidate [me]
Officer Candidates School, D Company, 3 Platoon
2189 Elrod Avenue
Quantico, Virginia 22134-5033

I promise I'll write back as soon as I'm able. In the meantime, hope you all are doing well!

Dear Friends,
As most of you know, I am now at Marine Corps Officer Candidate School. It is a 10-week indoctrination training, the most difficult in the U.S. military – 40% of the candidates who start with me will not finish. For the first four weeks (or so) I won't have access to a phone or computer, so my only way to be in touch with the world will be via regular mail. Here is my mailing address:

[me]
Officer Candidates School, D Company, 3 Platoon
2189 Elrod Avenue
Quantico, Virginia 22134-5033

I would love to get letters from you, which will help keep up my morale during this challenging time. Please don't send anything but letters though – packages, pictures or anything else would be a bad idea. I'll do my best to write back but I might not be able to at first. Please know that I am still receiving your letters and that they mean a lot to me.

In other news, I hope everything is going well in your lives, and I look forward to catching up with you once I'm reconnected with the world!

Semper Fi